Lifestyle: Choosing Between Two Lovers


Love is strange. It makes people act in ways they themselves can’t understand. Today we hear of ridiculous stories such as a man in a relationship with a woman and her biological daughter, a woman in a relationship with a co-worker and her boss.

Sometimes an ex comes back when you are already in a relationship and you decide to keep two or more lovers. Soon, however, many are caught with the reality of their dangerous game and worry about how to choose between two lovers.

Can you love more than one person?

Love is a verb but not emotions. If you love somebody, it is about finding a need in the other person and feeling privileged to make the person better. This means you can love two or more people at a time.

For each of them, there will be something unique that draws him to you. Each makes you happy in different ways. You must, however, appreciate the fact that it is difficult to love two people dearly at the same time. Your resources will not allow you to do this efficiently.

Many love two or more people out of greed. Many men want variety just for the fun of it. Many women want personal benefit. It is common to hear of women with two boyfriends. One usually a sugar daddy who takes care of personal needs such as a mobile phone, accommodation, food and clothes. The other usually in her peer group, takes cares of her emotional and social needs such as sex and outings.

Some people already in a relationship meet others who appear to have something different and perhaps better than their current lovers. They are tempted to enjoy the good qualities of the two. It is, however, important to keep to one lover at a time.

Choosing between two lovers

It is difficult to be in a relationship with one person. If you are in a relationship with more than one person, it is more difficult. If emotions are involved, it becomes complex because when you are madly in love, you find it difficult to think logically.

It becomes difficult to tell if what you feel is love, lust or infatuation.

• Know yourself and know what you want in a relationship, characters and personalities that attract you.

• Honestly list the strength of your lovers. Consider qualities such as mutual understanding, honesty, commitment, appreciation, hard work, tolerance, fairness and a forgiving spirit.

• Honestly list the weaknesses in your lovers .Consider qualities such as substance abuse, selfishness, abuse, inequality, intolerance and immorality.

• Compare your list of strengths and weaknesses. Find which has more of the good qualities. Even for the “winner,” ensure that you can live with his faults under every scenario.

Above all, ensure that your relationship has a future, not just for fun. You should have a lot in common .Decide on one and stick to him or her. Forget the rest and cut all contacts.

Sometimes you wish you had someone who had a combination of all the qualities you want but you are not dealing with angels but imperfect human beings. No two people are the same. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses.

It is common to find people attracted to others who have opposite qualities. A quiet person may be attracted to a talkative. The problem is that in the end opposite qualities clash and put a relationship at risk.

Stick with one lover

It could be embarrassing and difficult to find yourself between two lovers. Choosing is always a problem. You think about what might happen with the other but remember you could equally be happy with either of them if you show honesty, commitment and a forgiving spirit.

Decide quickly to decide on a single lover. Having two lovers is not fair to you or anyone. A delay may cost you both if they get to know you are dating both of them.

You have to lie and again lie to cover up lies till it explodes when you least expect it. Akans say if you look through a bottle with both eyes, everything becomes blurred.

Again if you can’t keep to one lover now you break your trust and commitment and find it hard to keep to your lover when you marry.

Stick to one partner at a time. Love is within you and you only need to savour and nurture it.

There is nothing more fulfilling in life than to have only one person for yourself and to yourself. Anything more than two erodes commitment and trust. It is no longer friendship but company that may explode in your face. The message is simple; keep one lover at a time.

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